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‘Nothing is free’ says man who just paid $6 billion to not buy any submarines



Compromise reached: Australian Open to be held inside a Hillsong Church



Medical Miracle: Government halt the spread of Covid by just declaring everywhere a Hillsong Church



“Unlike Boris, I would never plan anything during the pandemic” Morrison assures nation



Government finally acts on housing crisis by halting supply of avocados



Nation with no food thankful government spent crucial weeks focused on making it legal to fire gay people



Perrottet admits slight difficulty in enforcing new testing rules due to THE COMPLETE FUCKING LACK OF RATS



Christian Porter congratulates government on stunning victory in Djokovic case



Government with no money for tests luckily has spare $3.5 billion for tanks



Scott Morrison awards himself another trophy as food supplies dry up



Government told they must learn to live with Novak



Party that spent $80 million on non-existent water reckons free plague tests during a plague would be a waste of money



NSW announces new plans to manage bushfires by airdropping petrol on fire



Morrison volunteers to investigate if Hawaii has any RAT tests left



Mass shock as famous tennis player turns out to be an unlikable tool



Nurse coming off a double shift devastated to hear Novak doesn’t like his free hotel



Attorney General practises backhand after Novak says he’ll take government to court



“You can’t make everything free” says guy who gets free flights, car, accomodation, food, internet, phone…



Sydney housing market hits new price high as inner city terrace sells for 3 RAT tests



Morrison announces govt won’t help Cyclone Seth victims to avoid undercutting Harvey Norman’s umbrella sale



Morrison confused why poor don’t simply test themselves with cake



Parliamentary cleaners skip Scomo’s office as it hasn’t been touched in 3 years



Perrottet informs son that filling Christmas stocking was his personal responsibility



Thousands of naughty kids injured after Santa replaces coal with wind turbines



Fears of super spreader event after single man visits 7 billion houses in one night



Dyslexic child stays up on Christmas Eve waiting for Satan



Sky News calls for riots in Sydney to overthrow ruthless Dictator Dom



Morrison horrified after learning personal responsibility applies to him too



CHASER FACT CHECK | TRUE: Sunscreen mandate isn’t needed, BECAUSE CANCER ISN’T CONTAGIOUS



Dom Perrottet closes state prisons in favor of asking murderers to practice personal responsibility



Doctors warn Western Australia may soon be overrun by an uncontrollable wave of smugness



Traffic laws abolished in NSW as residents are encouraged to show personal responsibility instead



NSW Health asks everyone to just stop having covid



The Chaser’s official Scott Morrison Report Card



Dan Andrews slams “Dictator Dan” for forcing him into isolation



The Queen cancels all future events that she is required to be alive at



‘Just two more days’ says every single office worker across entire country



Santa to skip QLD out of fear of surprise 14 day quarantine



Elon Musk wins Time magazine’s Cunt of the Year



Morrison says corruption should only be investigated using “the honesty system”



Alan Jones shifts to new platform of yelling opinions at strangers in the supermarket



Boris Johnson announces stricter Covid policies for him to ignore this Christmas



Johnny Depp calls for Barnaby Joyce to be put down



“Politicians shouldn’t cavort with dangerous conspiracists” says PM who’s best mates with one



NSW teachers open gun club in Wagga in attempt to secure more funding from politicians



Gladys Berejiklian corrupt enough for Federal Liberal Party



‘Channel 9 was mean to me’ cries PM who locked up children on an island prison



Liberal Party announce new candidate Bladys Gerejiklian to run in seat of Warringah



Chris Pratt joins the cast of Spiderverse 2 as Miles Morales



Scott Morrison explains to driver that Bathurst is not a race



Bank unable to see how guy paying $1200 a month in rent could afford $1200 a month mortgage



Scott Morrison spotted at Ikea asking for advice on how to keep Cabinet from falling apart



New preselected Libs asked to resign in disgrace in advance to save time



Greg Hunt retires from politics to catch up on missed emails from pharmaceutical companies



“Albo has a glass jaw” says federal minister who sued a guy over a mean tweet



“Thank you Brittany Higgins for coming forward” says party that called her a ‘lying cow’



PM finally given some responsibility in National Cabinet by taking over the coffee run



New documentary reveals how Yoko broke up the Beatles by politely sitting in the corner while the band argued



Entire Liberal Party mysteriously announces retirement ahead of ICAC vote



Government that calls unemployed people ‘lazy’ plans just 10 days of work before August