‘Nothing is free’ says man who just paid $6 billion to not buy any submarines

Compromise reached: Australian Open to be held inside a Hillsong Church

Medical Miracle: Government halt the spread of Covid by just declaring everywhere a Hillsong Church

“Unlike Boris, I would never plan anything during the pandemic” Morrison assures nation

Government finally acts on housing crisis by halting supply of avocados

Nation with no food thankful government spent crucial weeks focused on making it legal to fire gay people

Perrottet admits slight difficulty in enforcing new testing rules due to THE COMPLETE FUCKING LACK OF RATS

Christian Porter congratulates government on stunning victory in Djokovic case

Government with no money for tests luckily has spare $3.5 billion for tanks

Scott Morrison awards himself another trophy as food supplies dry up

Government told they must learn to live with Novak

Party that spent $80 million on non-existent water reckons free plague tests during a plague would be a waste of money

NSW announces new plans to manage bushfires by airdropping petrol on fire

Morrison volunteers to investigate if Hawaii has any RAT tests left

Mass shock as famous tennis player turns out to be an unlikable tool

Nurse coming off a double shift devastated to hear Novak doesn’t like his free hotel

Attorney General practises backhand after Novak says he’ll take government to court

“You can’t make everything free” says guy who gets free flights, car, accomodation, food, internet, phone…

Sydney housing market hits new price high as inner city terrace sells for 3 RAT tests

Morrison announces govt won’t help Cyclone Seth victims to avoid undercutting Harvey Norman’s umbrella sale

Morrison confused why poor don’t simply test themselves with cake

Parliamentary cleaners skip Scomo’s office as it hasn’t been touched in 3 years

Perrottet informs son that filling Christmas stocking was his personal responsibility

Thousands of naughty kids injured after Santa replaces coal with wind turbines

Fears of super spreader event after single man visits 7 billion houses in one night

Dyslexic child stays up on Christmas Eve waiting for Satan

Sky News calls for riots in Sydney to overthrow ruthless Dictator Dom

Morrison horrified after learning personal responsibility applies to him too


Dom Perrottet closes state prisons in favor of asking murderers to practice personal responsibility

Doctors warn Western Australia may soon be overrun by an uncontrollable wave of smugness

Traffic laws abolished in NSW as residents are encouraged to show personal responsibility instead

NSW Health asks everyone to just stop having covid

The Chaser’s official Scott Morrison Report Card

Dan Andrews slams “Dictator Dan” for forcing him into isolation

The Queen cancels all future events that she is required to be alive at

‘Just two more days’ says every single office worker across entire country

Santa to skip QLD out of fear of surprise 14 day quarantine

Elon Musk wins Time magazine’s Cunt of the Year

Morrison says corruption should only be investigated using “the honesty system”

Alan Jones shifts to new platform of yelling opinions at strangers in the supermarket

Boris Johnson announces stricter Covid policies for him to ignore this Christmas

Johnny Depp calls for Barnaby Joyce to be put down

“Politicians shouldn’t cavort with dangerous conspiracists” says PM who’s best mates with one

NSW teachers open gun club in Wagga in attempt to secure more funding from politicians

Gladys Berejiklian corrupt enough for Federal Liberal Party

‘Channel 9 was mean to me’ cries PM who locked up children on an island prison

Liberal Party announce new candidate Bladys Gerejiklian to run in seat of Warringah

Chris Pratt joins the cast of Spiderverse 2 as Miles Morales

Scott Morrison explains to driver that Bathurst is not a race

Bank unable to see how guy paying $1200 a month in rent could afford $1200 a month mortgage

Scott Morrison spotted at Ikea asking for advice on how to keep Cabinet from falling apart

New preselected Libs asked to resign in disgrace in advance to save time

Greg Hunt retires from politics to catch up on missed emails from pharmaceutical companies

“Albo has a glass jaw” says federal minister who sued a guy over a mean tweet

“Thank you Brittany Higgins for coming forward” says party that called her a ‘lying cow’

PM finally given some responsibility in National Cabinet by taking over the coffee run

New documentary reveals how Yoko broke up the Beatles by politely sitting in the corner while the band argued

Entire Liberal Party mysteriously announces retirement ahead of ICAC vote

Government that calls unemployed people ‘lazy’ plans just 10 days of work before August